FIRST OF ALL: Yes, I believe in God. Some days I believe Jesus is his son, some days I don't. Some days I believe God has a hand in every day life of humans, some days I don't. I don't have all the answers, and I don't trust anyone who thinks they do, religious or not. I believe in science too. And I have NEVER ripped atheism, and don't intend to. So don't rip on me either.
I grew up Catholic. Baptism, first communion, confirmation, married in the Catholic church, the whole bit. Husband did too, and went to Catholic school. As so many other teens in that questioning time of life, I began to wonder if the Catholic church was really for me. There is SO much I don't agree with, and so much reaching to be done to buy into a lot of what they say. But that's every religion. Then the whole child abuse scandal, and that was it for me. I'm not down with having my intelligence insulted, and every time an abusing priest was reassigned to another church instead of FIRED, it was just another bullet point on my explanation of why I don't go to Catholic church anymore.
Yesterday morning husband and I were up early, channel surfing, and landed on a televised Catholic mass. Hearing the prayers that I grew up with, the prayers that I still believe in, made me sad. Nostalgic. As a kid, there was nothing I despised more than coming home from school on a Friday afternoon during lent, only to be dragged to The Stations of The Cross. But now? I would give nearly anything to have just one more of those afternoons back, with my mom and grandma and aunts and cousins. I told my mom recently that if the pope came out and CLEARLY said (but not necessarily verbatim) "I was SO WRONG to reassign that priest, we ignored the abuse of children around the world and we WILL DO BETTER", I'd start going to church again. But he never said that. Instead he's quitting. Church history shows that he'll likely get replaced by someone slightly more forward thinking. Yeah he tweeted less than 24 hours ago, "We must trust in the mighty power of God’s mercy. We are all sinners, but His grace transforms us and makes us new." But that is not enough. Not for me. I can't respect an institution that doesn't respect its members enough to admit their wrongs.
So still I'm stuck. And it makes me sad. I know that I don't need a church to know God, but it would be nice.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Posted by Unlikely Oilfield Wife at 8:27 AM