Friday, March 18, 2011

Does your life end at conception?

As you know, I don't have kids. I do want children though, quite badly. But this isn't that kind of post, this isn't about sour grapes.

Facebook gives us an insight into people's lives. I have a lot of moms on my list, and I have to admit, it can be annoying. It's like when you're planning a wedding, every little detail matters to you, and some women cannot understand how those little details don't matter to everyone else. When I was planning my wedding, I remember telling my sister on the phone, "Oh, these are the colors we picked, and it's great because Husband likes them too," and she reminded me that he probably doesn't care. And she was right! So when it comes to people's constant posts about every little thing their child does, I have to wonder if they really believe everyone is as interested as they are. I'm talking about the people who when you scroll through their updates, 9 out of ten are about their kids. Some may think, "Oh, you just don't get it, you will when you have your own." No, I won't. My sister is a great example. She has 3 children, a career, and a husband. You know what else she has? Her own interests. She makes it work. I have no idea how she does it, but she does. When we talk on the phone, of course we talk about my nieces and nephew, I love them and want to know the silly things they've been up to, but we also talk about cameras, politics, books and tv shows(that's mostly me, she definitely doesn't have time to keep up with the shows like I do). But there are some moms I know who I couldn't tell you one thing about them other than things about their kids. And I don't mean just moms on Facebook, I mean some moms in real life too.

That scares the crap out of me. What happens when the kids get older and need you less? I know that being a parent doesn't mean you have to lose everything about yourself, so why do some women choose that route? Do they make that choice, or do their peers, or society choose it for them?


H.E.A.T.H.E.R said...

It irritates me when moms are 24/7 talking about their kids on face book! I was "That" girl when I was pregnant, but that was more about me... Cause I love the attention!!! Now that I see how annoying it is when others do it, I rarely post anything about my Daughter. I will only post pictures of her cute face from time to time so that family members from afar can see how cute she is! :)

It’s a good point that you bring up about being so involved with them, and then them not needing you anymore. It’s good to teach our kids how to be independent of us, and us to be independent of them. That’s how I roll anyway! :)

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

Thank you so much for your comment Heather! I was a bit terrified to even post this blog, because I know there are people who will take it personally, and I'm not trying to call anyone out. You're so right about being independent, I have to believe both sides can benefit from at least a little distance.

Casey said...

My daughter is my 24/7. I made choice to stay home, and the bragging or sharing I, and other moms, do (to me) is slightly less annoying than people complaining about their jobs all the time. I have a lot of people that do that on their pages. But I literally don't do anything without my child. I don't have help from family, and Nick's gone so much, I literally rarely get a break. So I guess that's more my reason my kid is 24/7 in my life. I never get to spend time fixing my hair or rarely do I get a shower by myself, let alone eat in peace, or have a drink where someone's not begging for a drink of it. The closest help I have is 2 hours away, and I'm not interested in sending her off to daycare or pushing her off onto a baby sitter just so I can go out in the evenings. Around here I see moms get into the habit of going out EVERY night. I think that's bad for a marriage and for the kid. I guess when she starts school I'll get a little piece of my own personal life back, is the way I look at it.

Sophia the Writer said...

omg we totally need another session on the phone! In Taiwan everyone was like, "You should have kids now, if you're going to have them." Like, oh oh okay, I'm not busy tomorrow, maybe I'll go have some.

When I first joined Blogher I kept getting lumped in the mommy blogger category. Yeah...kind of a mismatch. We'll talk more ;)

katsterisk said...

YES. If I wanted to read about the minutae of your toddler's life, I'd have followed your toddler on Facebook. No, wait. I wouldn't, because your toddler is BORING AS SHIT. What gets me more are the people who put their kid's photo as their own profile picture. Talk about a loss of identity.

Of course, anyone who only has one thing to talk about is pretty goddamn boring in my book, regardless of what that topic happens to be. Kids are just my special topic for disdain because it seems like EVERYONE on my news feed has/is having one, and they're so uncivilized and sticky.