Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm not a book burner. I think nearly every book has some merit. Then I read Happy Housewives by Darla Shine. Darla Shine was a television producer and reporter before becoming a stay at home mom to her two children. She is married to Bill Shine, who is the Vice President of Programming for FOX news. I bought this book when I saw it reduced to $4.95 at Barnes and Noble. The cover was pretty and pink with a retro housewife on the front, and at the time I was just getting comfortable with my role in the home, so I thought this book might be interesting.

Oh, it was. Interesting like a scary fungus. I couldn't even make it all the way through. I thought about burning it, but that would me look like a "feminazi" (her words), so I'll keep it, just to use as proof that ANYTHING will be published as long as you have money and an "in" somewhere. It's not just the content of the book that is so horrible, that's completely subjective. It's that it's just written so badly. Over and over again she repeats herself and when she gets off on a tangent, she says, "I'll get to that later". Three times at least! Look, I'm no award winning writer, but I'm also not claiming to be as she is. Anyway, first off, the book is supposed to be about why stay at home wives and moms shouldn't bitch all the time. Which is funny, since that's what she does throughout the entire book! She complains constantly about fat moms, moms who don't dress the way she thinks they should, moms who gossip (har har), complains about everything. She should have written a diary, not a book. Here are some gems.

Speaking about a woman in a grocery store that she thought was over weight, "I wanted to smash my cart into her fat ass."p.40. This one was my favorite. Nothing is more fun than someone who claims to be oh so holy and into God, then writes things like this. And usually when someone constantly calls other people fat, or constantly talks about how thin they themselves are, it's a sure sign of insecurity. She mentions how thin she is at least 5 times that I caught.

"We all need to work on looking good. It's a sad fact, ladies. Please don't scare us. Do your part to keep up with the rest of us. I think my group of girls are doing a pretty good job. We look cute, we're thin, we're in style, we're hot mamams!"pg. 33. Yikes. Yes Darla Shine, my responsibility in life is to live up to your idea of what looks good. Do you think she looks hot?


Be nice...

"Your husband should not be your best friend."p.157. Ok, I get it, she likes to have her girlfriends, but personally, I think there is something wrong if the person you sleep with, have nearly all meals with, CREATE OTHER HUMANS WITH isn't your best friend. Of course you can have other friends, we all do, but my husband is the person I go to first with anything, good news, bad news, whatever. She seems to treat husbands as wallets who are too stupid to know anything, so just have sex with them and you'll get what you want. While this may be true in her case, or in many, it's not fact. She likes to make everything she says a fact.

Then the recipes! They are super complicated, like how to make S'MORES (did you know you have to melt the marsh mellows?), her "famous" scrambled eggs (add cheese, why hasn't anyone ever thought of that?!), and pigs in the blanket (no, not with home made dough, the recipe calls for Pillsbury croissant dough). She goes on and on about how everything she makes is organic, yet the only things she includes in recipes is organic peanut butter and chicken broth. Her constant hypocrisy is a theme in the book, making it even less tolerable.

She also does that thing that makes me crazy in writing. She says things like, "Sorry, the baby is crying have to go rock her...ok I'm back." As Husband yelled out while skimming the book yesterday, "Woman, you have a delete button!!"

So, is this me having sour grapes? Am I jealous that I'm not a thin stay at home mom, and rather a not so thin work at home wife? Nah, not for a moment. I don't need to justify my life, usually. I don't need to call women who work outside the home "feminazis" as she does on her radio show. Oh yes, she has a radio show. A true feminist believes women should do whatever they want, whether that be working, or staying home, or being an astronaut, or bending to her husbands every whim. Women love to take each other down. When will we learn that doesn't work?


ohjoyfully said...

You're a glutton for punishment!

The picture... ummmmmmm not getting "glamour" from her at all, or whatever she's going for. More like the before portion of a "before/after 6 beers" picture series. Basically she looks like white trash playing dress-up.

(The "be nice" doesn't apply to me because I'm from jersey and therefore inherently mean.)

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

LOL, I really am! This woman goes on and on about how hot she is and how hot her friends are and blah blah. Like, there are no words to explain how ridic this book is.

Storm, The Psychotic Housewife said...

It almost sounds like she tried to turn a blog and instant message into a book?

The cover sounds like the best part though, lol The book would be a total rant post for me! ;)

I've got news for her though, the number one reason why there's a problem in marriages is because they aren't best friends!

Lidian said...

I'm going to avoid that one, thanks. It would make me angry, too - way too angry!

And ohjoyfully, I'm a crabby New York girl (living in Canada), with loads of family in Jersey, so I'm with you too :)

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

@storm, an instant message, you are exactly right! I listened to her radio show yesterday...YIKES. Give her a search on itunes podcasts if you're ever in the mood to lose your mind lol.

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

@Lidian, I didn't know if to be angry, cry, or laugh when I first read it lol.